Lent

Someone asked me last week "What did you give up for Lent?"

I replied, my eyebrows furrowed, "Nothing."

The person then, kind of jokingly, said "What kind of Catholic are you?"

And that got me thinking...

I did give up saying the f-word for Lent. I substituted it with "friggin" and was told "You can't substitute it if you're thinking the word!"

That of course, made no sense to me, as I am a pretty firm believer in you CAN'T be punished, or even HELD RESPONSIBLE for your thoughts, just how you act on them. I told this person in the snarky way that I often enjoy - "Fine, I'll give up ALL THE F-WORDS just so you're not suspicious I'm even THINKING f-words." So, for about a day and a half, I managed to go without saying ANY f-word. It was actually, pretty difficult.

Since Lent began last Wednesday I have avoided the two things I really meant to give up, which were saying the f-word (the bad one...) and taking the Lord or Jesus' name in vain. This is especially difficult since a phrase I often employ is "Jesus mother-f'ing Christ." It has been replaced the closing my eyes briefly and clenching my teeth.

Taking the Lord's name in vain is against one of the ten Commandments. I would've guessed it was the second commandment, but it's actually the third. I think there's more to it than just saying "God damn it!" or "Jesus Christ." I think anyone who kills people in the name of God is taking God's name in vain. I think anyone who knowingly inflicts misery and pain on others because they believe it's God's will or they are spreading God's message - also takes God's name in vain. Finally, I believe anyone who professes to have knowledge of God as justification for a decision that is destructive also takes God's name in vain. I typically shy away from those things - but I have decided to not take God's name in vain during Lent, because frankly, I think it's respectful, not necessarily "good" or "bad". While Jesus Christ may or may not have been the Son of God, and may or may not have performed miracles, the last days of his life were extremely unpleasant what with betrayals by his friends, being chosen by a crowd to be crucified over another criminal, and enduring what I imagine was a miserable and painful death, which by historical accounts, took about nine hours. In the Bible, Jesus' last words are said to have been "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" Whether or not it has anything to do with the Salvation of Man, Jesus of the Nazareth, BELIEVED he had a close relationship with God, and his purpose was to save the human race, and reconnect them with God.

In the Gospel of Mark, Jesus is said to have the purpose "to give his life as a ransom for many." I saw that quote on Wikipedia, and it gave me a new way of thinking about Jesus' death. He BELIEVED he was dying for the sins of man, and BELIEVED that giving his life would offer salvation to others. Jesus was a friend to the sinners without having been one of them and had so much trust and love in God, and so much faith in God and His love for mankind, that he willingly suffered a crucifixion.

That's heavy stuff. Any person who died for my sins, whether it will save me or not, i think deserves some respect and that's why I'm doing my absolute best to not take God or Jesus' name in vain.

~

I was baptized and semi-raised Catholic. I made my Communion and Confirmation, I know some of the prayers and the what you're supposed to do at Mass. I probably go to Mass twice a year - usually for weddings - but have not been a regular church goer since I was a child.

People who ask me what religion I am are in for a long answer. If I tell them I'm Catholic, and they ask what Church I go to, I tell them I don't really go to Church and then they usually knowingly say "Oh, so you're a non-practicing Catholic?"

I understand curiosity about religion and religious beliefs. But I also don't understand why labels need to be put on anything. Accept my answer and be done with it. It annoys me when people refer to me as a "non-practicing Catholic" or "ex-Catholic." I PRACTICE at being Catholic. Maybe non-active Catholic would be more accurate. I am certainly not an ex-Catholic or a lapsed Catholic.

 I don't put too much stake in my religious affiliation, but I don't feel anyone else should feel privileged to tell me what I am and what I am not. I would rather be identified a good person than a good Christian anyday. I get defensive I think because hey - I went through the process of making my First Communion. I CHOSE to be confirmed. It was not forced upon me. Becasue I do not follow the Catholic doctrine to the letter does not make me less or more Catholic.

Compare it to identifying someone as American. Just because you're American, does not mean that you suscribe to all of the ideals typically associated with being American. Maybe you don't believe in a democratic republic. Maybe you don't believe in our voting system, legal system, or what have you - but you're still American.

In once sense, I need to get over my sensitivity regarding what I perceive are personal attacks and realize that my response is often due in part, to my own guilt about not being "all that I can be" in the Catholic sense, my own insecurities about if I am a good person or not, and my experiences with religion and faith that have shaped what I am. To do that, I might just start saying "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual" consistently. Or, so the door to the conversation is effectively closed, I could say

 "I have faith in a God informed by primarily Christian teachings but my relationship with that God is not necessarily based on said teachings."

Sure, it's not pretty but it's true.

Why we have this NEED to justify our religious beliefs or our faith is beyond me, but it is a need shared by many. I wonder where it comes from, and if people of different faiths or upbringings are more or less likely to have this need to justify their faith or lack of faith.

This has turned into a rant, but in closing, I will say:

I can't know what I can't know but I can believe what I don't know anyway.